I will start with common stuff. On Sunday, RaidFight reached 947 players online. From that number 170 was offline shops. Pretty nice number!
Now to other stuff. True love is eternal and the call is clear. Sometimes you can’t hear it but it is there. I want to post some lyrics from the greek dark band Diafana Krina (Διάφανα Κρίνα) which roll in my head the last 1 month and I believe they was written for this…
ΣΤΟ ΠΛΑΪ ΣΟΥ
Κορόνα γράμματα ποντάρουμε το θάνατό μας, την ίδια κλίση παίρνουμε φλερτάροντας γκρεμούς
κι όταν δε θα ‘χουμε πια τίποτα δικό μας, ο έρωτας θα μας τσακίσει και θα μας κάνει αληθινούς.
Θα μ’ αγαπάς, θα μ’ αγαπάς – μα δε θα φτάνει
άγονη βροχή θα πέφτει πάνω μου το χάδι σου
και εγώ σαν γέρικο σκυλί μες το λιμάνι, θα πεθαίνω στο πλάι σου.
In english:
BY YOUR SIDE
Heads or tails focus our death, the same slope we get as flirting with cliffs
and when we’ve no longer something ours, love will crash us and make us real.
You will love me, you will love me – but won’t be enough
arid rain will fall on me your caress
and like a old dog at the port, I will die by your side.
There are moments that things are stuck and you can’t do anything. The worst thing you can do is… keep doing nothing! I feel like this lately or at least I felt. My life is stuck and the only thing I can do is to wait for a change. I don’t want to wait. I hate waiting! Its not that I am not patient person but I don’t like to be passive. My life is mine and I should direct it wherever I want and don’t just watch the time pass away my window. So right now I have a plan. I know what to do. First I need to do anything. I mean anything that will take me out of this condition. It doesn’t matter if I like it or not or will get hurt. The only thing that matters is to do something.
I found the something and now I realise that all begins now. Remember that the only thing you should not do is nothing.
Kisses and have love.
Recently I opened RaidArise. It is a retail-like x10 rates server. This server is not going to replace RaidFight. RaidFight is my diamond. It is not replaceable. Some low-minded are spreading rumors that I will close RaidFight. I won’t. RaidArise is not «mine». I just provide some of my knowledge and RaidFight’s code. The reason I promote RaidArise as mine is that I am well known of the quality my servers do have so works more like an advertisement. So RaidArise is promoted as mine as a marketing trick.
Now about my previous post you don’t have to worry. I am not in «bad mood». I just wanted to express m feelings in some way. I don’t plan to suicide or something similar. I am fine. I just miss Her.
I don’t really know why I leave this message.
I really feel very bad this period. I did many mistakes in the past and damn it I can’t change what I did. I hurt some people esspecially a woman because I prefered to crawl into my hole instead of facing the reality when I should. The worst part is that this is my turn. Now I get hurt and punished for the pain I spread. I will be reasonable: I didn’t got a chances to fix what I did and show that I have changed but do I deserve a second chance? I guess that those who judge me now by the side of the victim don’t believe that I do and only their word matters. All I know is that I prefered to have a «good life» than to be with the person I love and without love all are meaningless and pointless. Right now I really feel very bad. Development and my server was always my little selter. I was working to something that was giving and still does, joy and fun time to a big range of people. This is making me feel good. This is the only think I know to do. Making and managing a server. But this cold thing is giving joy to them and a meaning to me. I don’t plan to close my server or something. This is not a goodbye message. I just want to express my feelings. Some people don’t understand me. Some of them thing that I do have that server because I am a no-lifer, rich to have «power» or make money by secret donations. I make 450 euro per month and I hold a server that costs arround 240 euro per month. But this thing is giving to me joy because it gives joy to people. I don’t want to complain to the people that critisize me as Admin. They should have some reason to say what they say but I am not their enemy. Enemy is only our ego. We create the enemies in a desparate attempt to blame others for our mistakes or give meaning to our miserable lifes. Yes I am a no-lifer. I don’t have life. I just work, eat, make shit and sometimes have some creativity explosions. I used and I still do write poetry for Her. This is the only door I left open. I know I speak a lot about her in this post but it doesn’t matter anymore. All I know is that I will continue to be with her thought in my heart and try to feel the warm of her eyes. Just to remember, you whoever read this long post: It doesn’t matter what you think it makes you feel good. There is only one cure for all. Love. Keep having love in your life and life will be good. Don’t sacrifise love for something that looks more precious. Nothing is more precious than love because love is limitless. There is no little or lot of love.
The past one month I was taken out of the darkness other’s choosed for me and I thought they was right. I can’t feel my ego anymore. I can’t feel hate for anyone even those who hurt me in the past and now. I can’t be hurt because I don’t exist and I don’t belong anywhere. Now I am closed to the Light than ever. I feel more complete existence and the only thing is missing is a way to show my love. I could be something else, cashier on a bank, cooker or taxi driver. But I am here where I am and my right moves and my big mistakes took my steps where I am now.
This is not a depressed post or a desperate attempt to change the minds of those I hurt because they don’t know the existence of this blog and won’t read it ever. I just wanted to write some meaningless crap. I just carry a lot of shit inside me and if I explode you all will be covered with those shit.
Have love, Nekys
This is my first post here and has nothing to say. Next posts will propably have nothing to say too!
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