The past two months I had a really hard time. I escaped from a situation and a relationship where I was trapped. I was looking to the Light the past 5 years without success. Maybe I wasn’t ready or I didn’t want it enough. I don’t really care about why. Now it is done and I am here.

Practically I passed from the «Grand Awakening». I can’t explain what exactly this is because I don’t know how or you won’t understand the way I will explain it. The fact is that I destroyed my self and build it again from the scratch. This is how it should be done. The «building» couldn’t handle any «fixes».

I passed a period of less than one months where I was completely frozen and I couldn’t feel anything. I threw away all the people that used to love me and I was left with myself. I was feeling like I was teared apart and that’s what actually happened. I couldn’t stop this and I didn’t wanted to. Finally I found the real love and those people that really love me without expecting anything for me.

Now I can feel only Love, Light and the power to serve and guard. I can’t feel pain and hate. I feel some sorrow mostly because I left so many things behind and some bad actions I did are included.

I realized that one of the ways to reach the light, is to step the bottom. The true power here is when you step the bottom, instantly, have the power to jump back to the surface.

I know that some past posts are depressed or something like that. I am not depressed. I am having the true love and happiness. Things are hard, but I don’t give up. Not because I am ego (there is no «myself» anymore. I killed him) but because I know exactly what to do and until now I am proven right. I will continue my walk into the new world of Light and I won’t let anything to make me loose this.

Personally, I am broke, I don’t have any money to pay any bill, my love is away from me (for her reasons, she should I guess) I don’t have contact with my parents or any friends. Why should I be sad or depressed? I have learned that you must respect what you have and I have a lot of things to make me feel good. Time is needed and I can give time but I won’t just sit and see the moments fade away. I have my own plan which I can’t reveal because I don’t know it. But I know that every move of me is part of this plan which is saved in the back of my head and will only bring light and love. I don’t know if I can save my soul anymore. But I don’t care. I won’t destroy my self for such a doubt. I will continue the fight for the light till the end.

Best regards,
Nekys Nemia